Skip to main content

I've Got Impostor Syndrome!!!

Photo I took to 3 weeks prior to my last day of school! 
One year ago this week, I completed my first day of testing for the bar exam. The nerves were unreal. I really didn't think I would be that nervous. It takes a lot to get me worked up, because once you've seen your child lying in a hospital bed almost dying, not too many things can top that, ya know?

But man, I was was the wreck that day. I remember the relief I felt when it was over and yet there was still this dull little ache of nervousness  because I knew I had to wait until October for my results.
So here I am one year later. And I'm just going to be honest with you guys. I suffer from an extreme case of impostor syndrome.

I made it through law school facing odds that most anybody would call challenging, even without law school thrown into the mix. I remember going from the NICU to law school for several weeks during my first year. Raising Christian while doing law school was definitely top three hardest things I've ever done!

I passed my bar exam on the first try, which less than half of most people do.

During my law school career, I became a public speaker, a published author, a blogger, and run social media pages that reach millions of people every month.

And while doing all that, I have juggled the needs of two very high-maintenance children, and they aren't too screwed up (LOL)!
Bar Exam day one completed! These two were
my motivation for it all! They are the reason I
worked so hard for that degree! 

And now, I am so terrified of taking the next step into starting to practice law that it has paralyzed me. It's been a year and the extent of my practicing has been to take one estate planning case. I'm honestly too afraid to even advertise that I can do wills and estates.

Impostor syndrome is basically this, I am an attorney. I have the degree hanging on my wall to prove it. I'm licensed to practice law in the state of Tennessee. And yet I feel under qualified, as if I'm a fraud or an impostor. I have the same degree that every attorney in the state has, although I do have less experience, and for whatever reason that translates in my head to me not being worthy or able to do what every other attorney in the state does.

Imposter syndrome doesn't reflect reality. It really only reflects the internal battle inside my head. I know who I am and I know what I've been called to do and yet somehow I still feel unqualified. I worked hard and got the degree and pass to the bar and somehow I still feel like an impostor. It doesn't make any sense when I look at the words written on the screen.

What I'd really like to do is start some Guardian Ad Litem work for children in the court system, and yet I am absolutely terrified about taking that step. I know I would be good at it. I'm so passionate about children, I am passionate about the law, and I spent years getting a degree where I could help them. And now I'm just sort of stopped. Fear has stopped me.

Every time I think I'm ready, the questions begin and the internal battle rages. What if I mess up? What if I do something wrong and it costs someone? What if I miss something and it means detrimental effects for my client? What if I'm not good enough?

I'm just being honest here, I am terrified of messing up. I've never been perfect but I have always felt an immense pressure to do exceptionally well. It's an expectation that I've always had for myself. I definitely haven't always reached the point of excellence in everything I've done, but the thought of failing and failing miserably at this has paralyzed me.

The thing is, I suppose, that even in practicing law, everybody's going to mess up at some point. I'm sure some people mess up big and some people mess up in small ways, but I'm absolutely terrified of messing up in a big way.

I'm sort of at this crossroads now where I need to decide if I'm just going to sit here and let fear continue to Cripple me or if I'm going to step out and take that chance no matter how scared I am. I know what the answer has to be. I know what I'm going to do, but I'm still terrified.

Graduation Day! Finally!
Class of 2016!
Lacey Buchanan, JD
I want to get better at messing up. Not that I want to mess up more, but I want to be able to accept that I'm not always going to get it right. I want to be resilient in the face of failure and mistakes, to pick myself back up and to keep going, to hold my head high with dignity even when I get it wrong. I want to give myself some grace. I beat myself up over mistakes in ways I would never do to someone else.

I know without a doubt, I have known for years that God called me to the profession of law. I have known most of my life that I wanted to be an attorney. I know deep down that I can make a difference for people because I care so much. I know that I can help change people's lives with the talents that I can offer. And I know that God has been faithful to get me this far, and I'm still terrified.

Oh me of little faith, right? Doubt and fear has taken over this aspect of my life. I recognize it, and I am ready to move forward despite the fear. I am ready to start doing what I was made to do! I am ready to face my fears and stop letting them control me. 

The thought of never getting to help people and never getting to fulfill my purpose in life is much more terrifying.


  1. Children in the court system NEED YOU to be their voice. To advocate for them to get them out of abusive visitations, to get them appropriate care and support, to be their voice when no one is listening to them. This whole year of experiences have been further preparation for this role. Take the first step for another child who needs a voice.

  2. I believe that you would be a great Guardian ad Litem or even an attorney that fights for parents rights. My wife and I have followed your page on Facebook and we both have much respect for you. You truly are an inspiration to families around the world

  3. I pray Lacey that you find your strength & move forward with the work you are destined to do. I totally understand your fears & your feelings but now is the time to take that leap. I believe in you. XxX

  4. I experienced exactly the same feelings when beginning my career as an RN. Take that first big step, that's the most difficult part. You are human and you will make mistakes, we all do, lawyers, nurses, doctors, etc. Each day as you practice your chosen profession your confidence will grow and your anxiety will decrease. And then one day you will notice that you are proud and confident of your abilities. So Lacey, just take that big first step!

  5. Omg I Finally Got Helped  !! I'm so excited right now, I just have to share my testimony on this Forum.. The feeling of being loved takes away so much burden from our shoulders. I had all this but I made a big mistake when I cheated on my wife with another woman  and my wife left me for over 4 months after she found out..  I was lonely, sad and devastated. Luckily I was directed to a very powerful spell caster Dr Emu who helped me cast a spell of reconciliation on our Relationship and he brought back my wife and now she loves me far more than ever.. I'm so happy with life now. Thank you so much Dr Emu, kindly Contact  Dr Emu Today and get any kind of help you want.. Via Email or Call/WhatsApp +2347012841542


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Was That Rude?

At the Christmas parade last weekend!  Hey everyone! Christian and I experienced something recently that I wanted to talk about and share with you all! We were at his therapy center for him to do his regular physical and feeding therapy, and we were standing at the car because his therapist comes out to the car to get him to go into therapy and then  brings him back outside to the car so that we aren't waiting in the lobby. We have been really cautious since long before COVID was a thing about germs and illness because illnesses always seem to hit Christian really hard.  And then of course my dad almost died in February from COVID. So we just try to stay out of heavily populated places when we can and take common sense precautions like regular handwashing. So, one way we try to keep the germs down is to not wait inside the lobby of Christian's therapy center and instead we just wait in the car for therapies.  So anyway, we were standing next to our car with his therapist, and a

Why I Won't Allow My Toddler to Have Cosmetic Surgery

It strikes me as odd that I have been asked many, many times if I will have Christian undergo cosmetic surgery to repair his birth defect. Apparently, it's not an odd question to most people, because I could not tell you how many times I've been asked. The number literally lurks somewhere close to 500, if I had to guess. I am not AT ALL offended by the question, and I enjoy explaining my answer, but still, I find it odd to be asked. Imagine your beautiful child that you simply adore. Her little button nose, those ears he got from his daddy, that little smile with that one not-so-straight tooth right up front, those freckles that dot her cheeks, that bright red hair, or that jet black hair. As you imagine that, I am sure you have a few emotions that go along with it: adoration, admiration, love. You probably think that your child is the prettiest thing you've laid eyes on. Well, when I look at my child, with tissue in the place of where eyes should be, and a crooked s

Don't Get Your Pleasure From My Pain

Hey guys! Thank you so much for joining  me  today on my blog! I've got something today that I want to talk about that has just fired  me  up, you guys. And so let's just jump right into it. I'm going to share a screen capture here for you guys.  I received a comment a few days ago on a video I posted. The video is of  me  holding Christian while Christian smiles. During the video, I give him a kiss on the cheek while a song plays in the background. The video text says "When people tell  me  that Christian shouldn't have been born" and then the lyrics to the song says "Let  me  show you what you're missing. Paradise."  So somebody actually had the... I don't even know what the word is... I would say low intelligence, but I don't even think it comes from that, and I don't want to insult people with intellectual disabilities because they know how to be decent humans. But the had the audacity or gall or whatever to comment on that video