Leading the Blind

On July 12, 2010, I was watching Dateline and it showed a story of a man who had a disable son. His son was in his thirites now and was confined to a wheelchair for his whole life. He was also unable to talk. The father and his son ran marathons, the father pushing his son in his wheelchair. The son, who could only type on a keyboard to communicate, typed that when he and his dad ran marathons together, he didn't feel disabled anymore. He felt like he was running too. I was about 6 weeks pregnant at the time, and I remember putting my hands on my stomach and crying so hard for this family. So I sat down and wrote this letter to my baby. This was before we knew he would be a boy, before we knew anything would be wrong, before I knew how much this letter would mean later. So here it is: 7-12-10 To my baby: You are a miracle. You are supposed to be here. You are loved more than you can know. You are my child and nothing can change that. I promise you that no matter what happ...

During my pregnancy, although we knew about Christian's condition and were absolutely devastated about it, we still managed to smile. We still found reasons to be happy. I remember laughing at Christian because he would squirm and kick and move around inside me, and when I would yell for Chris to come feel him move, and Chris would come running from another room and grab my belly as fast as he could, Christian would get perfectly still. Chris barely ever felt him move the whole time I was pregnant! I remember decorating Christian's nursery. It was so much fun; picking out the perfect colors, hanging his name above his bed, folding his tiny clothes and putting them in his dresser, and just imagining my little boy in those clothes. But the maternity pictures had to be the funnest. They were a celebration of our baby boy and they turned out perfect. I'm glad that I enjoyed my pregnancy as much as I did, despite the trouble that we faced and the challenges that we knew w...

I started this blog with the day Christian was born. Now I want to backtrack a little to our first ultrasound.  I am sure that other parents with special needs children have been through this same experience and felt the same hopelessness and helplessness of expecting a child that you know will not be "healthy." We had been to the doctor to have our first ultrasound and to find out what sex our baby was. We were SOOO excited. We watched as the ultrasound tech checked out the baby. We counted fingers and toes, watched him wiggle around, and waited for the big news. Finally, she got it!! The tech showed us the baby parts and said "Ok here it is. Can you guess? Boy or Girl?" I was looking, but I couldn't tell. Then Chris yelled, "I see his dingy!!!" We had our little boy!!! We were so excited! I almost came up off the table because I couldn't keep still. We left that day on cloud 9. An ultrasound from the day we found out he was a boy. My bel...

Happy Birthday! The day had finally arrived! Chris and I woke up at 3:30am, got everything together, and headed to Vanderbilt University Hospital. My c-section was scheduled for 8am. By the time all of the iv's were put in, all my meds were administered, and everything was set, it was almost 9 o'clock when I was taken back to the operating room. As the doctors were preparing everything and I was getting my spinal, a million thoughts rushed through my head. Finally, I heard a doctor say, "Here he comes!" and then "Happy Birthday!" At 9:32am, Christian Taylor Buchanan made his big debut. After just a few seconds, he began screaming. That was the best scream I had ever heard! I asked the anestesiologist at my head to peak over the curtain and tell me what color his hair was. He said, "blonde," but he was wrong. Ha ha! The doctor asked me if I wanted to see the baby, and I immediately said "Yes!!" They held him over the curtain just for a ...