Christian Taylor Buchanan

Christian Taylor Buchanan

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

I Won't Hide Christian's Face To Make You Comfortable

I've received a few comments recently on Facebook that are....thought provoking. One proclaimed, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" The commentor was referring to Christian's face and how I could be so bold as to post his photo for other people to see. She literally demanded that I explain to her why I hadn't had Christian's eyes sewed shut, and informed me, which is news to me, that I was exposing Christian to infection and putting him in danger. Then she accused me of withholding surgeries from Christian so as to create a "shock value" of his appearance. It's amazing how much strangers think they know about another stranger's medical condition and health, but it happens.


This isn't the first and only comment I've received along those lines, and I'm sure I'll hear it a few more times in my life.  Obviously people like this are uncomfortable with Christian's disability, or disabilities in general, or maybe just differences among the human race. Despite their discomfort, I refuse to hide Christian away like some quasimodo so they can feel more comfortable. It isn't Christian who needs to change, anyways. It's them.

Honestly, no matter how much I know in my head that the opinions of those people don't mean diddly, and no matter how much I know that they are wrong, I can't help but be insulted and hurt it. And it doesn't get any easier the more times I hear it. While I realize that I am choosing to post photos of Christian on social media and that opens us up to this type of thing, it doesn't make it less painful to deal with and it certainly doesn't make the people saying these things right by any stretch of the imagination I really think that my posting photos of Christian on Facebook doesn't give people freedom to be nasty or rude. It is exhausting to deal with random strangers using social media as an opportunity to say things that they would never say to a person if they were face to face.

This is why I fear so much for Christian. As he becomes more aware of what people say, it bothers me that adults could think such nasty thoughts about a child anyways, but it's even more shocking that they can't seem to hold their tongue, and so their nasty thoughts become nasty words. I also fear the day that Christian truly understands the nastiness, and knows that it's directed at him. I fear that he won't realize that their nastiness is a reflection of them and has nothing to do with him.

 I've just decided that it's useless to try to argue with people like this. They don't talk to discuss. They talk to be heard. They talk to make noise. They talk because they believe they are so right in their assertion that they can boldly, tastelessly, and loudly proclaim their rightness in such a manner than any challenge to it will be ignored. I would be happy to talk with people, to explain what's going on, that Christian is medically taken care of and that I post his photos on Facebook just like any doting mother would, but such people don't usually want to listen. They don't want to hear that they just might be wrong about that thing they have no experience with or knowledge or.

So, I just don't see a point in wasting my time trying to argue with people who want to argue. Now, debate, I am all about some debate. I'm an attorney. It's what I do! But arguing isn't for me. I debate to spread understanding and to learn some things, too.

So, instead of wasting my energy arguing, I decided to come over to my blog and blow off my steam by writing. Getting to just spill my thoughts and share my heart here is a therapy of sorts for me. So, here we are! Warning: The rest of this post is going to be dripping with sarcasm. You've been warned! haha!

This whole incident reminds me of something I hear often from people on social media who want to challenge me as a parent (why, though?) Every so often, I hear this argument come up against me. (I find it crazy, by the way, that folks who don't know anything about Christian or myself have an opinion and actually verbalize it on our lives, but I digress.) The argument goes something like "That kid (they never say his name, it's too personal when you are throwing insults at a little kid I suppose) will be bullied his whole life, and therefore you should have..." then they conclude with some crazy assertion that they say I should have done. It's always something crazy such as, I should have aborted him, literally ended his life, or I shouldn't post photos of him online, ya know, hide him away from the real world, or I shouldn't let him out in public. You know, all those things people usually say about a six year old child. Oh, wait... Kid you not guys. People actually have told me to 1. seclude my child or 2. kill my child because he will get bullied.

I would post that Kevin Hart photo again, but you get the idea.

So...let me get this straight. Christian will probably get bullied because of his disability. I can agree with that. They're right. He probably will. Because there are some real jerks (sorry to be blunt, but it's the truth) out there, and they somehow enjoy hurting others. Have we not all known people like this?


But here's where I can't agree. So, because Christian will probably get bullied, I should never let him out the front door of his home, or I should have killed him? I should punish Christian because other people are idiots? That is really what I've been told. The statistics are that one in four kids gets bullied. Chances are my other child, Chandler, will get bullied too, just for existing. I was bullied as a kid. Not because I have a disability, but because someone had issues that they dealt with my being mean to other people. So they found something about me to target and used it to bully me. Should I have been kept in my home or killed?

OOOOORRRRRRR!!!!!! What about this! This is revolutionary, so get ready. What if we deal with bullies by confronting them, calling their behavior unacceptable, teaching them to act better, and having consequences for when they don't. Novel, I know, but for some reason, the thought of punishing victims rather than perpetrators just doesn't sit right with me.

Someone who falls victim to a bully isn't the issue.  They are not at fault. A person who decides to treat another human being terribly is the issue. Let's just be clear on that. If and when Christian ever falls victim to a bully, it won't be because something is wrong with Christian. Anyone who could bully another person, and in my opinion, especially because they have a disability, needs some serious help.

I'm tired of hearing the same old song here. I have heard it well more than once or twice at this point. How could I? How could I give Christian life knowing he would get picked on? I think the real question is this:

How could you be someone or raise
 someone who would ever decide it was acceptable to mistreat or bully another human being?


What I have done for Christian and what I do for him, is give him a happy, high quality life where he is loved beyond a shadow of a doubt, where he has everything he could possible need and much of what he wants. I give him a life where he is doted on constantly, told how wonderful he is, and is given the opportunity to be the normal little boy he is. I give him a life where his medical issues are well managed by me so that he doesn't have to worry about them or let them interfere with his life. I give him a life where literally hundreds of thousands of people follow his progress and send encouragement and love to him from all over the world on a daily basis. There are perfectly healthy kids out there whose parents don't care if they live or die. Christian is not the one we should be taking pity on. What I do for Christian is more than what some parents do, unfortunately. Honestly, every child deserves to be loved the way Christian is loved. That's what I give him.

So, how could I?  How could I love my child so much? It's easy! Christian is easy to love. I am his mama and he is my world. That's what mama's do. They love their child beyond their looks, beyond their faults, beyond reason. How could I? It's easy because Christian is easy to love!






22 comments:

  1. I'm afraid there will always be those who, without understanding, want to spread their "knowledge" at the expense of others. Know you have God's help and the prayers of many people. Love in Christ, steve

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  2. Its a sad world we live in. A world full of hate and criticism. So many people in this world including myself love Christian and pray for him and you as well as chandler daily. My prayer from Christian is for him to be used I. Such away by our father in heaven to bring change into this world. That he will always know he is loved and cherished and know how to hear a word from the enemy and understand how to rebuke him and the people from there words and form of opinions. Hes beautiful Lacey and the more he grows the more beautiful he becomes. Your a good momma and then boys love you dearly. Miss the conversations on ignorant people . Because no matter where you are or what you do there is always those around who stick there noses in the air and refuse to point out their own flaws. We love you Christian. You are going to be someone and do something in this world . God has you here for a reason buddy. Be all you can be with the strength of the lord above. Much love and prayers for you Lacey.

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  3. Christian is a beautiful child and you are a strong and inspirational mom. I love your posts and even my children (4 and 7) know Christian by your Facebook pictures. Christian is so blessed to have you as a mom and we are so blessed that you have shared your journey with us.

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  4. 100% this......
    "How could you be someone or raise
    someone who would ever decide it was acceptable to mistreat or bully another human being?"
    This needs to be posted everywhere.

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  5. Beautiful lad. Wonderful smile :)

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  6. I will admit that when I saw Christian, I was a little surprised because I had never heard of his disability before. Once I looked the disability up and saw how happy he was, I was soon supporting you and him. I love watching him grow up and you are a very lucky.

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  7. When I look at him I see his smile and how cute and precious he is. I really don't pay attention to his eyes most of the time. He is always smiling or being silly and funny and I do pay attention to how cute you dress them. I love him. He has always been a bright ray of sunshine for me. Rhonda Tackett

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  8. I suppose a good many Christian/Lacey haters have no idea how many surgeries he has had. They have no idea how smart he is. They have no idea that he has a little brother who loves him. They have no idea that He loves music---and the list goes on. These ugly comments are bound to hurt you and your husband a great deal, and for that I am sorry. You're a tough momma bear. Hang in there. This doesn't want to put my name on the comment. Mary Beard

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  9. I am so thankful you decided to allow us on this journey with you Lacy, it's opened my eyes and made me really study my own heart. Christian is who he is meant to be . By allowing us to get to know him, we've learned to love his sweet smile , you did what was right for Christian by exposing him to the world , people need to stop looking at Christians face and look at him with their hearts . People can be so cruel, and thoughtless , hope the good out weighs the bad for you Lacy, a few bad apples can make a pie bitter, but it hurts when those butt heads are saying things about your son. Let's hope the Lord teaches these thoughtless judgmental hypocrites humility

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  10. It's funny that the very people who express 'concern' that he'll be bullied, are already bullying him.
    I love seeing Christian! I love seeing how beautifully loved he is!

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  11. We love Christian so much. He is a perfectly adjusted little boy. He brings us such joy. It infuriates me to hear that adults are making rude remarks. I pray that he never hears that from anyone. You said it though. It is their problem. You are doing an excellent job so forget them. Their hearts are really in an ugly place.

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  12. Lacey, i have a granddaughter who has been bullied for being in beauty pageants,and because she lives wirh her grandma and papa, she works hard, gets great grades and is an avid reader. Kids bullied her by saying she was ugly and if we didnt pay for her crowns she wouldnt have any at all. Her brothers are disabled and she got made fun of for that. These people are cruel, uneducated and have no regard for anything. Keep your head up high. I for one love seeing pics of your kids. Hugs from one mom to another

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  13. I am so sorry to hear that you are having to deal with stupid, hateful people Lacey. That is just awful and my heart goes out to you. I have been following you since the beginning, although I don't comment very much. This just broke my heart to read - all the hateful things people are saying - well it leaves me speechless. There are so many people that know how much Christian is loved - and how much he deserves to be loved. He is a child - and deserves all the love you and everyone can give him. I love seeing Christian and Chandler, so keep those beautiful pictures coming. Thinking of you.

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  14. He is a beautiful boy. Bless you for sharing him with all of us followers. He has a beautiful smile and he is a happy little boy and it's sad that so many people say so many mean and hateful things. My momma always told me that if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all. Too bad people have to be so rude .

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  15. Christian is a beautiful child of God! You are a wonderful mother!! I, for one, look forward to seeing your posts on his progress. Ugly exists everywhere, sadly. Keep on being you..you are such an inspiration and model to so many. And for many of us out there, Christian is a blessing to our lives because you share him with us. You bless my world everyday I see you!!! 🌹🌹

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  16. You are an amazing person and mother. When I see your posts about Christian it warms my heart. He is absolutely adorable! His smile and sense of humor brings joy to my heart. It's a shame that people who are so miserable in their lives have to try and pass that on to someone else. They are cowards who can't take responsibility for their actions and choices. Stay strong. You are loved by many. But most of all, Jesus has your back. Love you and your family. Patti Deel from WV.

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  17. Yes, he will probably encounter bullies. Most of us have. And yes, it hurts. But you can and I know you will and are, raising Christian and Chandler to realize where the fault lies. It lies with the ignorant, uncaring bully, not with them. And I know you are doing it with love, not just for your boys, but for all people. Even the bullies. Lacey, it will be alright. Your boys will be alright. And I'm sure they can make a difference in this cruel world. Love to you all!

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  18. Lacey,

    I have a very special needs sister and my whole life ive dealt with these issues. In September 2015, we almost lost her. My half brother's other half sister, has a special needs son and sent me this quote. I posted this one day and I have to go back and look at it and remind myself of these things occasionally. You are a great mom, my mom was a great mom and all of us in this situation are great moms.
    (My post) Wow....I have had to let these words sink in this afternoon. They were sent to me by someone with a special needs child. It is a perspective I have never considered. Maybe they are the perfect image of God, and we, well, we are not so much.
    Quote starts here...
    “I know what you are thinking - you need a sign. What better one could I give than to make this little one whole and new? I could do it, but I will not. I am the Lord and not a conjurer. I gave this mite a gift I denied to all of you - eternal innocence. To you, he looks imperfect but to me he is flawless like the bud that dies unopened or the fledgling that falls from the nest to be devoured by the ants. He will never offend me, as all of you have done. He will never pervert or destroy the work of my Father's hands. He is necessary to you. He will evoke the kindness that will keep you human. His infirmity will prompt you to gratitude for your own good fortune. More! He will remind you every day that I am who I am, that my ways are not yours, and that the smallest dust mite, while in darkest space, does not fall out of my hand. I have chosen you. You have not chosen me. This little one is my sign to you. Treasure him!”
    ― Morris L. West, The Clowns of God

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  19. He is perfect! He is who God created him to be ❤ God also chose you to be his mother and you are doing a GREAT job raising him! My children and I love seeing Christian and Chandler's pictures and reading the blogs you post.Stay strong and vigilant in all you do!

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  20. Just curious...is there a possibility of infection with his eye sockets left open like that? Would he be more comfortable while sleeping and playing if they were shut?

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  21. Lacey what a wonderful son you have ! Christian is a cute little boy!
    I just found your site. I was born with health issues too. I was bullied in school as well, not only by kids but by some teachers too.
    I met and married a man that never EVER seen me as "different". He taught me so much...he loved me unconditionally for almost 30 yrs. He passed away almost 15 yrs ago.
    I am sure that there's special "plans" for Christian....I am sure he is going to grow up and be so awesome! Bless you for being such a wonderful mom Lacey.
    ((((HUGS)))))

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