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Five Tips To Teach Your Kids about People With Differences - Part One

We have all been there, including me. You are innocently grocery shopping or at a play ground or doing some typical activity, when suddenly, your child notices someone with a disability, or difference, and rather loudly and uncouthly proclaims her discovery for everyone within a 3 mile radius to hear. You are embarrassed, and maybe a little ashamed that your child is that kid. You might try to apologize, or maybe you just grab your kiddo and make a run for it, red faced and all.

If you haven't experienced this, you just aren't living! haha! Seriously though. I have even been through something similar with two year old, not-yet-talking Chandler, who is around Christian every single day of his life! A friend invited me to a meet and greet of a sweet man named Frederick.  I was so excited to attend this meeting with Chandler in tow. Frederick lived in Rwanda in the 90's during a mass genocide of Tutsi people. We listened to Frederick recant the harrowing day that the bus he was on was stopped by a group of Hutu, who were the perpetrators of the killings. He can tell the story much better than I can, but in short, all the passengers on the bus were removed. Frederick was given a weapon (I can't remember now if it was a knife or a gun) and asked to kill all the other passengers in exchange for his life being spared. Frederick refused, and so the Hutu group cut off both of Fredericks hands past the wrist, tied him to a tree, and left to die. The rope actually acted of tourniquet that stopped blood loss. Frederick amazingly survived, but was left, of course, without his hands.

Frederick Ndabaramiye
You can get Frederick's book here and read his full account of his story:  https://www.amazon.com/Frederick-Story-Boundless-Hope-Ndabaramiye/dp/052910119X

After Frederick spoke, he took time to meet folks who came to hear him. I was excited to get a book signed and talk to Frederick. When it was our turn, Frederick's eye lit up at Chandler. I mean, what can I say? He's a cute kid. Frederick seemed to especially love children from what I gathered. He reached out and asked Chandler to come to him. Chandler just stared at Frederick's arms where he knew hands should be. Frederick continued to reach out and asked Chandler if he could hold him. At this point, Chandler began grabbing me as if Frederick was trying to kidnap him and screaming an ear-piercing, earth shatter scream. He was absolutely terrified of Frederick because of Frederick's difference. I felt a wave of emotions, including but not limited to wanting to just dig a hole and crawl in it right then and there. I apologized to Frederick profusely and tried to comfort Chandler. Frederick was kind enough to hold his arm out and let Chandler watch me touch it so that he would know it was okay, but alas, nothing quieted Chandler's terror except to get away from what scared him. *sigh*

That day sticks out to me because I finally knew what it was like being on the other side of the isle. I felt what these parents were feeling when their child did something embarrassing around my Christian. I always saw their embarrassment, but I had never felt it the way I did that day. So, I can say that, even though we are mostly on the receiving end of some embarrassing comments, I have lots of sympathy for parents who just want to raise decent humans and yet still feel like it's an uphill battle. I've been there!

I was asked this week on social media, and I get asked often, what my advice is for teaching children about people with differences, acceptance, and inclusion. And TADA! This blog post was born. I want to take a little pressure off and give you guys my pointers for helping your kids learn about differences so that maybe one day they won't embarrass the snot out of you in public will be good people who can look past a disability and see a person first. I also wanted to include some practical tips along the way! So, here is part one of my five part series on teaching your kids about differently abled people or people with differences. I hope you find this post helpful and practical for your every day life! So, here goes!


 Five Tips To Teach Your Kids about People With Differences  - Part 1

Rule Number 1 - Don't Avoid People with Differences

A cute photo of Christian just because!
Differences are not the elephant in the room. You don't have to turn and go the other way for fear of your child saying something that points out a person's difference.  You don't have to avoid looking at, making eye contact with, or noticing a person with a difference. I mean, don't stare, but hey, I don't have any physical differences and I would be a little creeped out if someone was staring at me, too, ya know? You don't have to pretend that a person's difference doesn't exist. That person who you are trying to pretend isn't in a wheelchair totally knows they are in a wheelchair! :D So, if you worry that you feel awkward and don't want to embarrass yourself, I get it, but the only way you are going to stop feeling awkward is to step out of your comfort zone and dive in! It really is okay to not say the perfect thing or react in the perfect way. It's okay to feel awkward. What's not okay is missing out on the amazing people you could know if you give yourself the grace to get it wrong and go talk to someone who is different.

Noticing and asking me about Christian's facial difference is truly okay. It isn't going to bring about some shock. I am not going to look at his face for the first time and realize that it's different. I already know and I happen to love his face! I squeeze it all. the. time because it's so cute! I don't mind talking about Christian or his difference. In fact, you might have trouble getting me to stop blabbing about Christian once I get started. (Have you seen this blog?!)  I'm pretty much his biggest fan. Christian has even learned to tell people when they ask him what happened to his eyes, "That's how I was born!" as he bounces and hops about happily. He knows he has a difference and as far as he's concerned, he's cool with it. We know he is different. Issues would arise if you judged him poorly based on his difference. That would not be cool.


Avoiding us, even if you think you are just trying to spare us, sends the opposite message of acceptance and inclusion. Turning away from, avoiding, or ignoring people with differences tells kids (and those of us in the disabled community) that this is how people with differences are to be treated.

You also don't have to walk on egg shells around people with disabilities for fear of offending them. I have seen it so many times, and I appreciate that people care enough about our feelings to go to such lengths to avoid hurting us, but we really don't have paper thin skin and our feelings are just not that fragile. I have found that most folks are not offended by well meaning questions, even poorly worded ones. I have also noticed that especially when someone realizes that a parent is bringing their child forward to help them understand, people with differences are generally more than happy to talk to those children! Why wouldn't they be? Each person they reach is one less person to carry on the stigma that so many differently abled people have to live with every day.

If you, in all good intentions, talk to a person who happens to have a difference and they are rude to you, I can almost guarantee that you can chalk that up to them having a bad day or just not being a nice person. I wouldn't count that as you doing something wrong. Maybe you did say something that wasn't exactly kosher. It's easy to do. That doesn't give anyone an excuse to be rude. If it bothers them that much, they can take time to educate you on what language they would prefer.

People with differences are just people, and they generally want human connection like the rest of us. Please realize that you don't have to, nor do I encourage, that you focus on the person's difference when trying to initiate a conversation. I would even suggest that you don't start off with, "Hi, so, I noticed you're in a wheel chair." Their response might be


😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

May I suggest, instead, some of these introduction lines:


  • Hi, how are you doing?
  • Good day! How's it going?
  • Hi, my name is Lacey. What's yours?
  • Nice to meet you.
  • Love your Backstreet Boys shirt! They're my favorite! (I tailored that one for me, but you can insert your own favorite band. 😂) 

I hope you laughed at that a little, but I also hope you see what I'm trying to say. However you would approach any other person and strike up a conversation, there is no reason to do anything different when it's a person with a difference.

Please don't think that I'm saying that talking about a person's disability or difference isn't off topic, either. If the conversation naturally gleans that way, by all means, discuss it. Just don't force it. Talking about your brother's friend's grandma's cousin having a similar condition is a bit of a stretch. But you can tell them your child is curious about their chair and you were wondering if it would be okay to come talk to them about it. I bet almost everyone would be happy to oblige. And if they say no, well, you can just say, "Okay, thanks anyways!" and smile and walk away. Sometimes you might just catch someone when it isn't a good time.

So, I hope you found this informative! I hope you laughed! But most of all, I hope you found this blog helpful in understanding how important it is to include people with differences, and how avoiding them can cause unintended harm.

See you next Thursday for Part two of this series, Five Rules To Teach Your Kids about People With Differences!

Comments

  1. lacey this was a very touching story even though i have followed ya'll since he was born this made me tear up really bad with tears of joy for me cause i got to see this handsome boy from tiny to where he is today and i enjoy every minute of it i love your family you all are wonderful parents to both boys you are a caring loving women god bless ya'll from the bottom of my heart

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    people with herbal medicine. he cures all sickness, diseases, viruses, and
    infections with his different herbal curing medicine.The result that
    declares my daughter janet healed was from a hospital here in USA, And the
    results of the test says my daughter was okay. Dr voodoo directed that
    janet would be heal in 7days if she uses the medicine as directed. And
    7days later, we went to confirm from the central hospital and several test
    that was done says my daughter is not sick or anything. So she was cured by
    this herbal doctor in 7days. This amaze me though. I would advice everyone
    to meet this Dr voodoo his email is voodoospelltemple66@gmail.com
    for his herbal medicine to cure your illness because am happy to see my
    daughter healthy again.Meet Dr voodoo and set yourself and your love ones
    will free you can also add Dr voodoo on whatsApp +2348140120719

    ReplyDelete
  15. How I Got My Husband back... Am so excited to share my testimony of a spell caster who brought my husband back to me. My husband and I have been married for about 6 years now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone else. He started coming home late from work, he hardly cared about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the Internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr.Odu adebayo can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted(WhatsApp) him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and I did it and he did a spell for me. 48 hours later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promised never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. My family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr.odu adebayo If you have any problem contact him and I guarantee you that he will help you. He will not disappoint you. you can WhatsApp him(+2347055287754)or Email him at : poweroflovespell@gmail.com.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm so very grateful to Dr oluba, for bringing my husband who left me for another woman, that moment my husband Left me I thought I lost everything until a friend of my gave me Dr oluba, WhatsApp contact, I messaged him and told him the pain I was going through so he told me that everything was going to be fine that if I have the faith and believe in him that the spell will surely work for me and my husband will surely come back home and he told me what to do, so those things were done and 24 hrs later my husband came back home begging for my forgiveness, am so happy and grateful to Dr oluba, if you need his help email him at olubasolutiontemple@gmail.com or WhatsApp him +1(518)293-0860...

    ReplyDelete
  17. My name is Brenda Bernard, I want to share this great wonderful testimony of my life to everyone. I was married to my husband Maxwell Owens, I love him so much we have been married for 12 years now with four kids.He went on vacation to Dubia where he met a lady called Tracy, he told me that he is no longer interested in our marriage anymore. I became so confused and started seeking help, all efforts to bring him back failed until I met a friend of mine called Sonia and I told her about my problem. She then introduces me to a man called Dr Olumide who cast a spell for her that brought her ex back to her within 48 hours. I contacted Dr Olumide to help me bring back my husband and he asked me not to worry that the oracle of his fore -fathers will fight for me. He told me in 48 hours he will reunite me and my husband together. After three days my husband called and told me he is coming back home to me and the kids. I was surprised when I saw him and he started begging for forgiveness..We are now living together as one happy family now. All thanks to great works of Dr. Olumide..if you need his help you can contact him via: text +1 (747) -322-1094 or whatsapp email: olumidespelltemple@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  18. I was been suffering from HIV/AIDS since 9 years now, and i happen to have 2 kids for my husband, and now we cannot proceed to have another kids all because of my disease and now i have do all what a human like i and my husband can do just to get my disease healed, i have went to several places to seek for help not even one person could ever help, until i melt a comment on the daily news paper that was commented by Miss Marilyn about how this powerful traditional doctor help her get cured of the disease (HIV-AIDS) ” my fellow beloved” i firstly taught having a help from a spiritual traditional healer was a wrong idea, but i think of these, will i continue to stress on these disease all day when i have someone to help me save my life?” so i gather all my faiths and put in all interest to contact him through his Email address at drjohnhivcurehome@gmail.com , so after i have mailed him of helping get my disease cured, i respond to me fast as possible that i should not be afraid, that he is a truthful and powerful doctor which i firstly claimed him to be. So after all set has been done, he promise me that i will be healed but on a condition that i provide him some items and obeyed all his oracle said. I did all by accepting his coloraturas fact and only to see that the following week Dr JOHN mail me on my mail box that my work is successfully done with his powers, i was first shocked and later arise to be the happiest woman on earth after i have concluded my final test on the hospital by my doctor that i am now HIV- Negative. My papers for check are with me and now i am happy and glad for his miraculous help and power. With these i must to everyone who might seek for any help, either for HIV cure or much more to contact him now at these following email now, Email: drjohnhivcurehome@gmail.com ” sir thank you so much for your immediate cure of my disease, i must say for curing my disease, i owe you in return. Thanks and be blessed sir. His Email address is: drjohnhivcurehome@gmail.com or call _+2347064365391

    ReplyDelete

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