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Waiting to Find Out If I Have Cancer

This is going to be a pretty personal post because it discusses some health issues I'm having. I want to document this part of our journey along with all the other ups and downs, though. Right around Thanksgiving last year, I noticed something wrong with my breast. I didn't panic, but I did immediately go to the doctor. I'm only 33, so I figured my chances of this being anything serious are not likely, right? However, one of my best friends was recently diagnoses with breast cancer and is undergoing treatments currently. She's only in her 40's and has a little girl Christian's age. So, watching her go through what she has got me thinking that I probably need to start being more aware and paying closer attention to my own body. I went to a walk-in clinic the next day because my doctor wasn't available until February. The walk-in clinic is thankfully located inside a clinic that has diagnostic images services and a host of specialist doctors. So, I was immediately sent downstairs for an ultrasound. I watched as the ultrasound tech found "something." Of course, ultrasound isn't definitive, so I left with more questions than answers, and an appointment for my very first mammogram! Oh joy! The mammogram wasn't pleasant, but I've had worse, so I'm not going to complain too much. But the report from the mammogram showed what looked to be a calcification, which can be pre-cancerous. Of course, even a mammogram can't tell you for sure what's there. So, best guess, it appeared to be calcification. By this time, it was after Christmas. I saw a general surgeon who walked me through everything. The place they found is tiny, which is good. It's pretty deep in there, so there would have been no way to find it with just a normal breast exam. This made me think, I am only 33, and I wouldn't normally get my first mammogram until age 40, so whatever this is could have stewed there for 7 more years without anyone knowing until I went for my first regular mammogram at age 40. So, I'm thankful that I went ahead and got this looked at and didn't ignore my concerns. I almost dismissed what I saw as me being overly cautious because I'm so worried after what my friend has gone through. I'm glad I just went in to be sure. It turns out that the place I originally went to the doctor for was just dense tissue and this little place that was found was incidental and unrelated. It had nothing to do with the original place I noticed! The surgeon assured me that he didn't think this would be anything, but he also let me know he can't make that guarantee without the biopsy. The shape of the spot was concerning to him, but thankfully he reiterated that it was very small. So, I opted to have the biopsy and find out what it is. The place is so small that the biopsy pretty much took the entire thing. The surgeon even placed a tiny metal clip in the spot to be able to mark it in case I do need treatment later, because he said he would never be able to find the spot again because the biopsy removed it all. My biopsy was last Friday. I took the day off work because I just didn't know what to expect as far as how I would be feeling afterward. Surprisingly, I found the procedure easy. It was super quick, I'd say less than 20 minutes from start to finish, and I felt good afterward. I never needed pain medicine to control the pain, which was surprising to me. I was able to carry on relatively normally on Friday, but by Saturday, it hit. I wasn't hurting. I was just so tired and just...not feeling like myself. I really just needed to take a long nap, I think, and rest. I think rest is really what I needed most. By Sunday, I felt almost normal again. I'm still tired but I've been making it a point to get to bed an hour earlier each night this week and that has helped. The boys have also passed right out this week, they have been tired too, so not having to stay up with them has been helpful too. So now, we wait. I should hear something this week about my biopsy results. I really wasn't too worried about the results before the biopsy, but the day before the procedure, it just all sort of hit me. Maybe I was just keeping myself busy so I wouldn't think about it until I just had to. I don't know. But really, I felt totally fine and confident that everything would be fine, until Thursday evening. Then it just all sort of hit me at once. I have tried to simultaneously stay positive that this is probably nothing and that I'm fine, while also preparing myself mentally for if I get the worst news possible. I have already run through several scenarios in my head of what I will tell the boys and how I will tell them, if it comes to that, while praying that it doesn't. I didn't tell them exactly what the biopsy was for. I didn't say "cancer" to them. Mostly because we just don't know and I don't want to scare them prematurely. I know if I was a kid and my parents had told me they might have cancer, I would have been hysterical. So, I chose to tell them everything except that and decided if we got news that it was, then I would tell them, but not a moment before we were sure. So, they knew what was happening with the biopsy, why I was going, and exactly what the procedure would do. I probably wouldn't have gone into so much detail. but yall. Christian asks so many detailed questions. He wants to know everything and nothing gets past him. He asked for a play by play of exactly what the doctor would be doing, what medicines I would be getting, what tools would be used, and the whys behind each step. He knew I was getting a local anesthesia. He knew a needle would be taking something out that shouldn't be there. He knew it all. And I didn't mind telling him. I think it's only fair to be honest with him. After all the medical intervention he's gone through, I knew he could handle this. So, a cute little story. When my biopsy was over, Christian called me to check on me, and the first thing he said was "Hey Momy! How's your boob?" lol! He very sincerely meant it.He was certainly a bit anxious about my procedure and I think that's why he asked so many questions. He wanted to know every detail to know that I would be okay. He asked me a few times if I was going to die. Ugh. And cue the water works. This is where it gets hard. What if it is cancer. I don't know what exactly I'll do. The waiting is excruciating at this point. My biggest fear in all of this is what if I couldn't be here for my boys. What if it was worse case scenario. I don't know. I don't have answers right now. I am reminded of a song called "Take Courage: that says: Take courage my heart Stay steadfast my soul He's in the waiting He's in the waiting Hold onto your hope As your triumph unfolds He's never failing He's never failing While I wait on news that will either give my family extraordinary relief or change our lives forever, I can't say I'm not afraid or worried. I am absolutely terrified of the chance that I have cancer. So, I fix my eyes on Jesus and will myself to trust that God knows and holds my future, no matter what it brings. I pray that He sees me through this in the way I want, but if not, He is still good and I will trust Him. I'm not saying I won't be absolutely devastated if He doesn't. But I am saying that I will continue to trust that the One who commands the winds and the oceans loves me. I see no other option, because the truth is the truth no matter what is going on around me or inside me.

Comments

  1. I was diagnosed in September and had my last chemo treatment on January 21st. I'm starting radiation next week and hopefully by the end of March, this will all be behind me. The one thing that I remind myself of daily is that God doesn't offer us a cup of suffering in vain. Something good will come from this. I'm thankful that was put in the hands of very capable and kind surgeons and chemo and radiation oncologist. I pray you don't have to go thru any of this, but always remember God is with you always . Do not fear, He is faithful.

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  2. Praying for you. I am a breast cancer survivor. 17 years! Either way, you will overcome this and going through it with God is the only way to do it. God's grace is sufficient! Will pray for positive results and complete healing. You were right to have the biopsy, that is the only way to be sure. And being very small is a good sign if it is cancer. Hugs, Jan Chadwick

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  3. You are a strong, beautiful, young lady and GOD has control. He has brought you through everything so far and will continue to do so. YOU are an amazing mother. Prayers sent for you.

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  4. I have followed you since your "flash card" posts when Christian was born. You are one of the strongest, bravest, kindest and amazing young woman I have ever had God place in my path. You will be fine, because you will work through whatever comes your way.

    Prayers and wishing you ALL the best.

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  5. Many women do ignore little signs with their body because "I'm young" or "It's probably nothing". You did all of the right things. No matter what, you have a group of people who are rooting for you and your family each and every day. May God surround you with love & light as you await answers.

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  6. Sending prayers. The one positive thing is if this is cancer it was so small they got it all. I have had several family and friends beat breast cancer there are such super treatments out there. I pray it is negative if it's not we are all here for you. Prayers and hugs

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  7. At 30 I found a lump. I went to the Dr. and he immediately did a needle biopsy. Nothing came out but sent me to a surgeon anyway. They did a surgical biopsy and removed the lump. It came back as a lypoma(sp) which was a fatty tumor. I was a Mom with two small kids and scared to death. Like you the procedure was easy but the recover was a little difficult. It was awful after I removed the bandage. I will be praying for you and your results. I know your fears and totally relate to them. God has you and I know you know that after all you have conquered so far. God Bless!

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  8. So very sorry for all the anxiety you are going through. I am praying for good results. IJN.AMEN

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  9. Lacey, I'm praying for your peace. I know what you're going through, even though I was 40 at the time, I went through exactly what you are. I'm praying yours will turn out to be benign. Mine wasn't. That was 24 years ago this month.

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  10. Keeping you in my prayers. Stay positive and strong. God will take care the rest. God Bless

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  11. #KeepPounding
    With God by your side, you got this girl❗❗πŸ™

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  12. #KeepPounding With God by your side, you got this girl ❗��

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  13. God did not bring you this far to give up on you now! God is good and has all of you in his hands! Love and Prayers for all of you!

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  14. I am in your shoes! Mine all started 5 years ago, found a lump and they did a mammogram (at the age of 35), then they wanted to do an ultra sound, found the lump and wanted to do a biopsy! My nerves were all over the place, constantly thinking this is it! Had the biopsy and it came back benign! Thank the lord above! They put me at high risk for breast cancer after that! So every year I have a Mamo in February (and I have mine tomorrow) then in July I have a MRI! The next four years I have went through the same thing, they find a lump, need an ultra sound and then a biopsy! I have had over 11 biopsies in the last 5 years! They said I have Fibrocystic breast disease. Prayers for you, hopefully it is just a calcium nodule!

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  15. You are one amazing mom, and I've also watched you since your flash cards came out.you are doing a fantastic job with your boys. You are the strongest person I know. I give you all the πŸ™ PRAYERS πŸ™. I read your book over and over saying to myself what a wonderful and strong person you are. You can do this. MyπŸ™ PRAYERS πŸ™ and hugs and love us with you.

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  16. #KeepPounding!!
    With God by your side, you got this girl ❗❗πŸ™

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  17. Hey Lacey, I understand how you are feeling. At 39 I had some changes to my beasts such as burning pain. I mentioned it my Dr. At an appointment which lead me to an ultrasound and mammogram. This showed 3 masses. 1 on one side and 2 in my lymphnodes on the other. So this had me going in for a biopsy. Very scary! But surprisingly it was a breeze. I was super scared. Worried I wouldn't get to be here to raise my 2 yr old son. I also have an autistic daughter who is 20 now but still needs me. Luckily my results were fast. They called the next day and confirmed they are benign tumors. I still have to stay on top of these things but it was a relief to say the least. While I was getting the biopsy the surgeon told me to not panic because "sometimes these turn out to be nothing" what he should have said is most of the time they turn out to be nothing. Like 70 to 80 percent of the time. Try to stay positive and don't stress yourself. Stress is hard on the body. Prayers heading your wayπŸ™πŸ™πŸ™

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  18. Take heart, I too had a lump, was biopsies and can honestly say I can relate as it was the longest 5 days of my life up until that time. By the grace of God it came back benign. I am keeping you in my prayers that you get the news I did xxx

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  19. My thoughts are so much with you Lacey!!! And with your precious family!!! Your strength and positivity, along with your spirituality?? You're amazing.....
    I know it's super difficult right now, but try to hang in there!! God is GOOD!!! XOXO

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  20. When I was 33 I had a mamogram that revealed "something" and Immediately an appointment was made with a surgeon. He looked at the same mamogram, shrugged his soldiers and said "I ain't seeing it, but we will biopsy it just to make sure. The bad part is that appointment was a month after the mamo! And yes he sait "ain't". Two days later we went over the results of the biopsy but he prefaced our discussion with a question as to whether or not I had nursed any of my four sons. Yes I had, at least 18 months for each. He visably relaxed after I answered. He explained it was a milk calsification and not to worry unless it changed. I was to have annual mamos and classified as high risk if it changed. Needless to say I am still doing mamos at 75! It ahs never changed and hopefully never will. I nursed two more sons after that biopsy and finally gave up on ever having a girl of my own. I believe prayer changes things. Lots of people prayed for me and I will pray for you. May God bless you and calm your troubled heart and give you peace to get through this whatever it may be.

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  21. My breast cancer was found with a 3D mammogram and it was very early and I have surgery and 25 days of radiation. I will be cancer free for five years in June. I pray that this is ok for you.

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  22. My mom is actually having the same procedure done today. Like you they believe the biopsy will pretty much remove the whole spot of concern. Lots of love and prayers to you and the family for strength over the next several days

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  23. Sending lots of love from here in the U.K.

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  24. Praying for you!! I was diagnosed with BC in August of 2019. My doctors caught it early and in September of 2019 I had a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. No chemo or radiation was needed in my case. I'm on Tamoxifen for the next 5 years. One thing I’ve learned during my BC journey is that we are all fighters and we are strong!! Blessings and hugs to you!! ❤

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  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  26. Lots of love ,prayers and positive vibes .Good you went in to.check,my mum had it at 30 so I have mammogram every year since I was 35(with breaks for breastfeeding )-better safe πŸ™

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  27. Oh dear, sweet, caring Lacey, prayers uplifted for the most positive news but regardless of the report, prayers for strength.You have so many people in your corner, since you began sharing life with Christian, and we will stand firmly in prayer for you and your family. God bless and keep you safe in His Almighty hands.

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  28. What a worrying time for you I am glad that you made the appointment as soon as you could after feeling something not right. I am praying for you and that whatever the result God will guide and heal you. Take care of yourself and try and think on the positives. sending much love and prayers to you and your family.❤

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  29. Praying for the best possible results.

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  30. Positive thoughts and prayers for your comfort and well being.

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  31. Lacey, keep listening to that song, and others like it. This one is also good:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx6mfAgHDsY

    Hold fast.
    Hang tough.

    Awaiting your update.

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  32. Lots of love heading your way, Lacey.

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  33. Many prayers and much love being often for you Lacey. May God's Peace hold you close. In Him with love,

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  34. I'm sure it's just a little calcified bit like they thought. It is good they spotted it so they can remove it as a precaution for the future. BTW, in the UK you wouldn't get your first mammogram until around 50-53. :) Please let us know when you get any news. xxx

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  35. I have followed yours and Christian's story from the beginning...and I am always amazed at your strength! As a fellow Christian, I too know the joy of being able to lean on my Father God and be supported by prayer warriors. I am not a warrior, but I will pray for you. Blessings. Dale Kerans

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  36. Hugs and love and prayers. May God and Lord Jesus continue to be by your side and lift you up!

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  37. I had that procedure too,no cancer. Good luck to you,and prayers. My son had cancer last year and its not what it once was(depending of course on the type of cancer) and early detection is the key.
    Thank you,my dear,for your cheerful witness and the stories and pictures of your beautiful family.

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