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Where My Trust Is Without Borders

Many of you who follow my blog or Facebook page know just how hard Christian's last surgery was for me. It was surgery #6, and our second palate surgery, so it's not like we were encountering new territory, but the risks were higher this time, and for some reason, things just sat uneasy with me. The night before his surgery I laid beside his bed all night. I cried some, I dozed off some, and sometimes I would send messages to one of my friends who was awake. I remember telling her "This is so unfair. He doesn't deserve to have to go through this" and I remember as I typed those words, tears fell uncontrollably. It was one of the few times that I honestly couldn't control my sobs.

In the weeks and days before surgery, my mind was gone. At least three times specifically, I can remember driving through Murfreesboro, where I drive to at least twice a week, most of the time more often than that, and where I have been driving to since I was 16 years old. And as I would be driving to wherever I was headed, I would suddenly snap to myself and realize that I wasn't headed the right direction, or that I had no idea how I had gotten to that side of town, or I had completely forgotten where I was headed to begin with. The day of surgery, while in the waiting room, I got ridiculously sick. As many hospital stays and procedures and surgeries as we've been through, that was the first time I ended up hugging the toilet over it. It hit me hard.

Friends and family said encouraging things and kept me uplifted, let me know they were praying for Christian and offered to help in any way they could, and those things really did keep me going. But no words could possibly ease my anxieties. It was so hard that it was beyond what I could handle as a person, as a mother.

When all was said and done, and the surgery ended up being a breeze for all of us (if surgery can ever be a breeze at all), we all breathed a huge sigh of relief and literally were shouting for joy in the waiting room when the surgeon came in to tell us how it went. The surgery actually went much better than we could have ever hoped or imagined and Christian did so well that you would have thought the surgery was just minor and routine. It's almost unexplainable how things went as well as they did. (Although I can totally explain it (: )

I've said all that to lead into what I wanted to talk about in this post. Before, during, and after surgery I heard more times than I can count, "Don't worry!" "Don't be afraid!" Not that I fault anyone for telling me these things! It's just one of those things you say to someone about to face something like what we faced. But each time I heard it, I would think "Sorry! Too late! I am terrified!" Sometimes I would even think "That's easier said than done there friend!" But I would never say what I was thinking to someone because I understood their sentiments were heartfelt and genuine and I wholeheartedly appreciated the encouragement! But once surgery was all said and done, I even heard "See there! You worried for nothing!" "Oh you of little faith!" And again, this was from people who genuinely care and love us, and who prayed for us, and they mean nothing harmful by it at all! It didn't upset me in the least. But it did give me something to think about.

This post is for anyone who is afraid: afraid of tomorrow, afraid of yesterday, afraid of how they're going to make ends meet this month, afraid of how they're doing as a parent, afraid that their marriage is crumbling, afraid that they may lose their job, afraid of losing a loved one, afraid of handing their child over to a surgeon, afraid of making the wrong choice, afraid of the mistakes they've made in the past, afraid of the diagnosis they just got. I can relate.

"Fear not" is the most repeated command in the Bible. When I found that out, I felt just a little guilty at how afraid I was over this surgery. It made me really analyse myself. Do I really trust God that little? Am I so lacking in faith that I was throwing up in a waiting room bathroom? Was I THAT scared? The answer is yes. Terrified isn't even the appropriate word to describe the fear I felt. Oh, me of little faith.

Now, not only did I feel scared, but now I also felt guilty. But God (through a good friend) helped open my eyes to something I hadn't considered before.

*"Fear not" God knows how afraid we are. Why do you think He repeated himself so often in the Bible on this topic? I'm positive He knew that we needed to hear it that many times, a constant reminder. He knew that we would feel and experience fear. In fact, he prepared for it!

*"For you created my inmost being" I don't like when people tell me I should or should not feel a certain way. In fact, I don't like the whole "invalidating feelings" thing in general. God created me an emotional being (sometimes overly emotional but hey, don't judge! (: ). He expects me to control and reign in my emotions and to work to align them with His will, but He most definitely does not expect me to deny them or not feel them at all.

*Cast your anxieties on Him"  Why would He tell me to cast my anxieties on Him if he expects me not to have anxieties? God knew that my anxieties would exist, and He prepared for it.

You see, God knows exactly how terrified I was that day, and I highly doubt it upset Him. In fact, I think anyone who was facing what I faced and claimed that they weren't afraid would be accused of lying. I don't think God was sitting there saying "Lacey! I told you 'Fear not' and here you are literally wretching with fear?!?!?" And I don't think God was shaking His head and saying "Oh ye of little faith." For you see, it's in those times of pure terror, where my body is shaking with fear, I can't quiet my sobs, and I can barely speak or catch my breathe, that my faith is made stronger, and my fear is laid at the feet of Christ. We have come to think, as believers, that when we follow Christ, it has to look glamorous and elegant, or we must be doing something wrong. We are in a battle and we have to come out guns blazing, chest puffed out, and victory bells sounding. When we face the fiery furnace we're suppose to shout for joy, and we're suppose to run towards the lion's den eager to lay down with those man eating lions.....says who?

I have found in my 12 years of following Christ, that I am a mess. I am anything but glamorous and elegant. I am dirt-covered, sin stained, and filthy. I am no poster child for winning people over to the "attractive life" of Christ-follower. I am living proof that God can take the most insignificant things and turn them into something invaluable. I am evidence that God can take something ugly and make it beautiful. My life is confirmation that God can take weakness and turn it into strength.

You see, in that moment when I handed Christian over to that nurse on surgery day, that moment that I had been dreading for months, and I literally couldn't catch my breath, I wasn't lacking faith because I was afraid. On the contrary, my faith was strongest at that moment.  I handed Christian over and watched that nurse take him away, not knowing if I'd ever see him again, and I didn't chase after her screaming and begging her not to take him. I waited anxiously for 4 hours while Christian was in surgery, but my faith was not small because I was physically sick. On the contrary, evidence of God's victorious right hand was most evident because I stayed in that waiting room and waited to hear what the outcome would be, vomit and all.

I knew that whatever happened that day, I would face it. I knew what outcome I hoped and prayed for, but I also knew that God was in control and I was not. His strength was made perfect in my weakness because I knew that whatever outcome there was, I would STILL trust Him and serve Him. Whatever happened that day, His grace was sufficient for me.

The song "Oceans" by Hillsong has stuck with me so much for the last six months and through these last two big surgeries. It has been a reflection to me of where God has led me over the last three years.
"Keep my eyes above the waves." I don't need to be in control. I don't need to be able to speak. I don't need to be able to breathe. I just need to be able to keep my eyes on Christ. 
"Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander." My own flesh would never take me this far on my own. It's scary. It's dark and cold. I've never been that far before. I don't know what to expect. I could drown. God has allowed me to be taken further than I ever would have chosen to go on my own. He has allowed situations to happen in my life where I had no choices left but trust Him or don't. 
"Your sovereign hand will be my guide where feet may fail and fear surrounds me." He has allowed me to face things where my own strength was never enough to get through it, where my own strength failed. I have gone through things where I could not possibly navigate my own way through them, and fear enveloped me like a blanket.

"Where my trust is without borders, and my faith will be made stronger." 
And I have watched miracles occur, more than once, right before my very eyes.

Courage isn't always the superhero swooping in to save the day or the jumping in front of a bullet (although those certainly qualify.) Sometimes courage is that quiet voice that never gives up. Sometimes courage is closing your eyes, squeezing that victorious right hand as hard as you can, taking that leap and holding on for dear life. Sometimes courage is speaking up even when your voice shakes. Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is being afraid but taking that step forward anyways.

So, What are you afraid of? Oh ye of little faith. Don't fear, you are more courageous than you realize. The Lord Your God is with you wherever you go. He is your strength and shield.




Comments

  1. You are an amazing mom and this was an awesome read! Christian is a beautiful child and you are very blessed. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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      about Dr edidia how he cured HERPES with his herbal medicine, I contacted
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      sharon I was diagnosed of HERPES since 2012 and I was taking my
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      system, I searched about some possible cure for HERPES i saw a comment
      about Dr Edidia how he cured HERPES with his herbal medicine, I contacted
      him and he guided me. I asked for solutions, he started the remedy for my
      health, he sent me the medicine through UPS SPEED POST. I took the medicine
      as prescribed by him and 14 days later i was cured from HERPES, Dr.edidia
      truly you are great, do you need his help also? Why don't you contact him
      through dredidiaherbalhome@gmail.com or whatsapp him with +2349074505296 and you can also contact me to know more about him on my email rosesharon915@gmail.com DOCTOR EDIDIA CAN AS WELL CURE THE FOLLOWING DISEASE:- 1. HIV/AIDS 2. HERPES 3. CANCER
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  2. you are very gifted at writing....that was a beautiful post ....you are such an inspiration

    ReplyDelete
  3. Beautifully written! Amen! I love the way you express yourself! You have me sitting here crying! Someone once told me that there are 365 "Fear Nots" in the Bible, one for every day of the year! I am so thankful that you are acknowledging God's hand in your life and in Christian's life! Also, thankful for an easy surgery for your sweet boy! God Bless you!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thankyou Lacey for sharing your life. Very encouraging to me. ��

    ReplyDelete
  5. I find it hard to tell a parent not to fear. And WOW, the boy is growing!! He looks more like a lil boy than a baby now! Awww.

    ReplyDelete
  6. What a beautiful little boy! What a blessing and a miracle he is. God has great plans for this child and He will use him to glorify Himself. I am so glad you didn't abort him. He will grow to be a strong and happy man someday as he will never know what he missed because of all he will have. You are an awesome mother and your story brought tears to my heart and eyes. I love to hear miracle stories such as this. May God bless you and Christian and may His light always shine on your path. Give Christian a hug from me and tell him he is an awesome child!

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I used to suffer from HERPES GENITAL for about 3 years so I can relate
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      Delete
  12. Hello.........
    my name is Mrs mogan lorna,i am from untied kingdom ,i am happily
    married and blessed with kids,i am a business woman and my husband is
    business man too we both operating provision store, on October 1st 2010 me
    and my husband embank on a trip to South Africa,on our way back,we had a terrible
    accident,that took my husband's life,while i was rushed to the hospital,by
    god grace,i was still living,after a year and seven month,when my husband
    were passed away,a man came to my house,and ask me to get married to him,
    unknown, that he was HIV positive and i never bordered to conduct a check
    up test with him,before,i accepted him into my life,why,because,he was so
    cute,gentle and handsome young man,he was so caring.i never look at
    him,like one that would be hiv positive.after two year of our marriage,my
    body system began to weak up,all day i feel dizzy and lazy,and i began to
    lose weight as well, so i went for a check up test ,for
    [fever,hiv/aid,malaria],the result, show me that, i am HIV positive.so i
    was afraid,that,i would die,so, i were running from hospitals,churches and
    native doctors,searching for cure, because i didn't want to die.one day i
    went to a pastor's house,i told him my problem;as i was telling the pastor
    my problem, there was one man which was with us,which i never look at his
    face,the pastor prayed for me,on my way out , this same man,who was siting
    with us,called me,i was like asking myself why this man was calling me, so
    i just manage to wait to hear out what he will say,he told me that,he will
    like to introduce me to this spell caster man, his name is HIOYA,SO
    i JUST SAID thanks and leaved,i never wanted to go and see this man called HIOYA,but a mind,ask me to go for a try,so i went there,i meant him and i explain everything to him,he cast a spell on me and he told me,after two weeks,i should go for a hiv check up test again,after two weeks,i went for the hiv test,which the result shows me that i am now HIV NEGATIVE,whaoooooooo. i was like mad at the hospital,very happy.....if you have any problem you are facing now.....

    HE IS SPECIALIZING IN THE FOLLOWING SPELL.
    love spell
    marriage spell
    divorce spell
    (1) If you want your ex back.
    (2) If you always have bad dreams.
    (3) If you want to be promoted in your office.
    (4) If you want women/men to run after you.
    (5) If you want a child.
    (6) If you want to be rich.
    (7) If you want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (8) If you need financial assistance.
    (9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money.
    (10) If you want to stop your divorce.
    (11) If you want to divorce your husband.
    (12) If you want your wishes to be granted.
    (13) Pregnancy spells to conceive baby
    (14) Guarantee you win the troubling court cases & divorce no matter how what stage
    (15) Stop your marriage or relationship from breaking apart.
    (16) If you have any sickness like (H I V), (CANCER) or any sickness.
    (17) If you need prayers for deliverance for your child or yourself.
    (18)are having legs or joint pain,that is making you not to walk well
    Once again make sure you contact him if you have any problem he will help you. contact him immediately via[ greathioyaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com or you can email me as well on moganlorna@gmail.com]OR CONTACT him on +2348139181640.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hello, everyone! I,m here to explore blogs and forum about the wonderful and most safe cure for HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS (HSV).
    I was positive to the deadly virus called HERPES and i lost hope because i was out casted and rejected even by my closet friends.
    i searched on-line to know and enquirer about cure for HERPES and i read someone testimony on how he was cured from HSV-2 so i decided to contact the same herbalist because i know that nature has the power to heal everything.
    i contacted him to know how he can help me and he told me never to worry that he will hel me with the natural herbs from God!
    after 2 days of contacting him, he told me that the cure has been ready and he sent it to me via DHL and it got to me after 3 days!
    i used the med as he instructed me (MORNING and EVENING) and i was cured!
    its really like a dream but i am so happy!
    thats the reason i decided to also add more comment of Him so that more can be saved just like me!
    and if you need his help, you can email him on traditionalherbalhealingcentre@gmail.com or whatsapp +2348110857969
    I,m neme amber and you can get intouch with me via nemeamber@gmail.com..

    ReplyDelete
  14. My HIV virus that was cured by a great herbal medicine man. Since last 7 months i was having these virus. last 5 weeks I was in a great pain so I told one of my friends about it he told me that there is a great herbal medicine man that can cure HIV and so many diseases and he also help people in getting pregnant and bringing back EX. I asked her if she had the contact so i could give it a try, she gave me the email drosasherbalhom@gmail.com , I emailed him he talked to me and he perform the necessary rituals and he send me the herbal medicine and herbal soap via DHL service to my country told me how i will be using the herbal soap and drinking the herbs and after few weeks I should go for a test. Which I did, when the doctor told me that am now HIV negative I couldn't believe myself I went to see another doctor the result was still the same i couldn't keep this to myself so i decided to let it out on this page that if anyone here need help in curing his/her HIV virus or trying to conceive should also contact him he also have herbal cream for penis engagement once again you can email him drosasherbalhome@gmail.com or WhatSAP him via his mobile number +2349035428122 wish you good-luck as you contact him.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Dr Miracle is a real spell caster, he is so powerful, unique, and amazing. Dr Miracle restored happiness to my life again by bringing my husband back to me with his powers. Dr Miracle is a gifted and a good man and if not for him what would my life turn to? Dr Miracle may your good gods continue to bless you for your good deeds. Dr Miracle words can not express how much good you have done for me and i believe that even a thousand words won't be enough to describe your good great works. If you are facing any spiritual problem i advice you not to cry just contact Dr Miracle on his email or and his web site and he will solve all your problems. Contact him on his email: MIRACLETEMPLE11@GMAIL.COM PHONE NUMBER +2348151795598

    ReplyDelete
  16. Good day to you all friends, I have been suffering from (HERPES) disease for the last four years and had constant pain, especially in my knees. During the first year, I had faith in God that i would be healed someday.This disease started circulate all over my bIy and i have been taking treatment from my doctor few weeks ago i came on search on the internet if i could get any information concerning the prevention of this disease, on my search i saw a testimony of someone who has been healed from (Hepatitis B and Cancer) by this Man Dr Osas and she also gave the email address of this man and advise me to contact him for any sickness that he would be of help, so i wrote to Dr Osas telling him about my (HERPES Virus) he told me not to worry that i was going to be cured!! hmm i never believed it,, well after all the procedures and remedy given to me by this man, few weeks later i started experiencing changes all over me as Dr Osas assured me that i have cured, after some time i went to my doctor to confirmed if i have be finally healed behold it was TRUE, So friends my advise is if you have such sickness or any other at all you can email Dr Osas on : (drosassolutioncenter@yahoo.com for easy comminication you can What-SAP him via his mobile number +2349035428122) sir i am indeed grateful for the help i will forever recommend you to my friends and to the world! 1. GETTING YOUR EX LOVER BACK. 2. WINNING LOTTERIES. 3. CHILD BEARING. 4. BREAKING OF GENERATION COURSE. 5. GETTING OF JOB. 6. JOB PROMOTION. 7. MONEY SPELL. 8. SPIRITUAL PROTECTION. 9 LUPUS.10 AND ALL KINDS OF DISEASE YOU CAN EMAIL HIM VIA drosasherbalhome@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  17. How I Got My Husband Back Testimony...My Names is SARIA Hayes from London,UK. My husband and I have been married for about 7 yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone else. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr Brown can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Brown. If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. He will not disappoint you. Email him at: lovespellsolution@yahoo.com or dr.brownlovespellhome@gmail.com or call him on: +27846918903.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hello everybody,
    I don't just know the reason why some people is finding it difficult to believe that there is a cure for herpes, I have been suffering from herpes since last three years with my boyfriend but today I am happy that am cure from it with the herbal medicine of Dr Aba the great healer,I was browsing the internet searching for help when I came across a testimony shared by someone on how Dr Aba cure his herpes I was so much in need of getting his treatment but after all Dr Aba brought a smile to my face with his herbal medicine. I am so much happy today that we have someone like this great healer out there, so my people out there kindly contact this great healer on his email address: dr.abaherbalhome@gmail.com please sir keep your good work cause there are people out there who is in need of your healing medicine.once more contact him now: dr.abaherbalhome@gmail.com you can call him or whatsApp his number +2348107155060

    ReplyDelete
  19. THIS GREAT SPELL CASTER IS TESTED , TRUSTED AND 100% GUARANTEED . HE WILL DEFINITELY HELP YOU .His web site:

    https://divinespellhome1.wixsite.com/drsambo

    My name is Eric Robert i am very grateful sharing this great testimonies with you, The best thing that has ever happened in my life is how i won the lottery. I am a man who believe that one day i will win the lottery.finally my dreams came through when i email Dr Sambo. and told him i need the lottery numbers. i have come a long way spending money on ticket just to make sure i win. But i never knew that winning was so easy until the day i meant the spell caster online which so many people has talked about that he is very great in casting lottery spell, so i decided to give him a try.I contacted this man and he did a spell and he gave me the winning lottery numbers. But believe me when the draws were out i was among winners. i won 107,932,603.20 million Dollar. Dr. Sambo truly you are the best, with these man you can win millions of money through lottery. i am so very happy to meet these man, i will forever be grateful to you. Email him for your own winning lottery numbers .hies mail: divinespellhome@gmail.com or Divinespellhome@yahoo.com and you can also call him +2348145810121 THANKS..
    whatsapp number +2348039456308
    Website...
    https://divinespellhome1.wixsite.com/drsambo

    ReplyDelete

  20. I was in total despair when I found Dr. Todd. My life was going terrible and I didn't know if I was coming or going. I had just gone through a rough divorce, wasn't making enough money to sustain me and my children, and my 17 year old son had just gone to jail for the first time. When I talked to him, I immediately found a sense of peace. He was very honest with me and I could feel that. He also told me that everything would be okay. After my work began, things began to change. My bills were all caught up, the relationship I was in became much stronger, I was never FLAT broke, and my son was released from jail earlier than we expected!! I also completely got over the failed marriage and began to move on. And, received a better position at my job which will cause an $800 per month increase!! I felt completely comfortable with the work that was being done because I was always encouraged by Dr. Todd. manifestspellcast@gmail.com is the BEST!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hello,
    I was diagnosed of this HIV deadly disease. a friend of mine introduce Dr peter to me and I actually did contact

    him after he has prepare the herbal medicine he sent it to me and I used it according to his prescription after one

    week I went to the hospital to check my status again because I was feeling differently from the way I tested

    POSITIVE before, to my greatest surprise the status was HIV NEGATIVE the medical doctors there was surprise and I

    have to tell the whole world about this if you are still having this similar problem I recommend you to dr peter

    his email is ayokospellcaster@gmail.com you can call dr PETER ,OR Whatsapp hem on this very number

    +2348132537313

    ReplyDelete
  22. Are you looking for a reliable and a good spell caster to bring back your ex boyfriend a divorce with the help of Dr Sambo Email: divinespellhome@gmail.com

    Dr Sambo thank u for what u did in my life because I had lost hope after trying so many spell casters and no one was able to help me bring back my boyfriend because he had changed a lot, suddenly and he stopped calling me like before and didn't even have any more time to hang out with me and even when I sent him messages he read them but never respond me. I loved my boyfriend too much and didn't want to lose him because we had been together for 5years. As I was about to give up I came across Dr Sambo and saw how he had helped many people successfully with their love life. I got his number +2348145810121 and contacted him. He gave me few days to see the results and he did a love and binding spell for me and to my greatest surprise my boyfriend sent me a message after few days and apologized for the way he had been treating me and neglecting me and promised to love me and never hurt me again. I couldn't believe it, because I had been disappointed by so many spell casters it’s been a month now we are living happily and he just proposed to me. All I can say is Thanks you very much Dr Sambo. Your spells indeed works. You can contact him on his email: divinespellhome@gmail.com or divinespellhome@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am AMMA MARIA. I'm from america. I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman 2 weeks ago after 17years of marriage. We had a lovely marriage but he started a relationship with a co worker who chased after him. He is living away OUR home and refuses to talk to me or to come home. I was devastated and am finding it hard to cope . I wish I did not love him and that I could move on but I can't. I starting to feel ill. I have begged him to come home all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr Larry can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he did a spell for me. 4days later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Larry. If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you. if you have any problem contact him, I give you 100% guarantee that he will help you, Email him at: assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com you can call or Add him on Whatsapp +1(424)-261-8520 website http://assurancesolutionhome.website2.me/




    I am AMMA MARIA. I'm from america. I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman 2 weeks ago after 17years of marriage. We had a lovely marriage but he started a relationship with a co worker who chased after him. He is living away OUR home and refuses to talk to me or to come home. I was devastated and am finding it hard to cope . I wish I did not love him and that I could move on but I can't. I starting to feel ill. I have begged him to come home all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr Larry can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he did a spell for me. 4days later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Larry. If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you. if you have any problem contact him, I give you 100% guarantee that he will help you, Email him at: assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com you can call or Add him on Whatsapp +1(424)-261-8520 website http://assurancesolutionhome.website2.me/

    ReplyDelete

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