I Won't Hide Christian's Face To Make You Comfortable

I've received a few comments recently on Facebook that are....thought provoking. One proclaimed, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" The commentor was referring to Christian's face and how I could be so bold as to post his photo for other people to see. She literally demanded that I explain to her why I hadn't had Christian's eyes sewed shut, and informed me, which is news to me, that I was exposing Christian to infection and putting him in danger. Then she accused me of withholding surgeries from Christian so as to create a "shock value" of his appearance. It's amazing how much strangers think they know about another stranger's medical condition and health, but it happens.

This isn't the first and only comment I've received along those lines, and I'm sure I'll hear it a few more times in my life.  Obviously people like this are uncomfortable with Christian's disability, or disabilities in general, or maybe just differences among the human race. Despite their discomfort, I refuse to hide Christian away like some quasimodo so they can feel more comfortable. It isn't Christian who needs to change, anyways. It's them.

Honestly, no matter how much I know in my head that the opinions of those people don't mean diddly, and no matter how much I know that they are wrong, I can't help but be insulted and hurt it. And it doesn't get any easier the more times I hear it. While I realize that I am choosing to post photos of Christian on social media and that opens us up to this type of thing, it doesn't make it less painful to deal with and it certainly doesn't make the people saying these things right by any stretch of the imagination I really think that my posting photos of Christian on Facebook doesn't give people freedom to be nasty or rude. It is exhausting to deal with random strangers using social media as an opportunity to say things that they would never say to a person if they were face to face.

This is why I fear so much for Christian. As he becomes more aware of what people say, it bothers me that adults could think such nasty thoughts about a child anyways, but it's even more shocking that they can't seem to hold their tongue, and so their nasty thoughts become nasty words. I also fear the day that Christian truly understands the nastiness, and knows that it's directed at him. I fear that he won't realize that their nastiness is a reflection of them and has nothing to do with him.

 I've just decided that it's useless to try to argue with people like this. They don't talk to discuss. They talk to be heard. They talk to make noise. They talk because they believe they are so right in their assertion that they can boldly, tastelessly, and loudly proclaim their rightness in such a manner than any challenge to it will be ignored. I would be happy to talk with people, to explain what's going on, that Christian is medically taken care of and that I post his photos on Facebook just like any doting mother would, but such people don't usually want to listen. They don't want to hear that they just might be wrong about that thing they have no experience with or knowledge or.

So, I just don't see a point in wasting my time trying to argue with people who want to argue. Now, debate, I am all about some debate. I'm an attorney. It's what I do! But arguing isn't for me. I debate to spread understanding and to learn some things, too.

So, instead of wasting my energy arguing, I decided to come over to my blog and blow off my steam by writing. Getting to just spill my thoughts and share my heart here is a therapy of sorts for me. So, here we are! Warning: The rest of this post is going to be dripping with sarcasm. You've been warned! haha!

This whole incident reminds me of something I hear often from people on social media who want to challenge me as a parent (why, though?) Every so often, I hear this argument come up against me. (I find it crazy, by the way, that folks who don't know anything about Christian or myself have an opinion and actually verbalize it on our lives, but I digress.) The argument goes something like "That kid (they never say his name, it's too personal when you are throwing insults at a little kid I suppose) will be bullied his whole life, and therefore you should have..." then they conclude with some crazy assertion that they say I should have done. It's always something crazy such as, I should have aborted him, literally ended his life, or I shouldn't post photos of him online, ya know, hide him away from the real world, or I shouldn't let him out in public. You know, all those things people usually say about a six year old child. Oh, wait... Kid you not guys. People actually have told me to 1. seclude my child or 2. kill my child because he will get bullied.

I would post that Kevin Hart photo again, but you get the idea.

So...let me get this straight. Christian will probably get bullied because of his disability. I can agree with that. They're right. He probably will. Because there are some real jerks (sorry to be blunt, but it's the truth) out there, and they somehow enjoy hurting others. Have we not all known people like this?

But here's where I can't agree. So, because Christian will probably get bullied, I should never let him out the front door of his home, or I should have killed him? I should punish Christian because other people are idiots? That is really what I've been told. The statistics are that one in four kids gets bullied. Chances are my other child, Chandler, will get bullied too, just for existing. I was bullied as a kid. Not because I have a disability, but because someone had issues that they dealt with my being mean to other people. So they found something about me to target and used it to bully me. Should I have been kept in my home or killed?

OOOOORRRRRRR!!!!!! What about this! This is revolutionary, so get ready. What if we deal with bullies by confronting them, calling their behavior unacceptable, teaching them to act better, and having consequences for when they don't. Novel, I know, but for some reason, the thought of punishing victims rather than perpetrators just doesn't sit right with me.

Someone who falls victim to a bully isn't the issue.  They are not at fault. A person who decides to treat another human being terribly is the issue. Let's just be clear on that. If and when Christian ever falls victim to a bully, it won't be because something is wrong with Christian. Anyone who could bully another person, and in my opinion, especially because they have a disability, needs some serious help.

I'm tired of hearing the same old song here. I have heard it well more than once or twice at this point. How could I? How could I give Christian life knowing he would get picked on? I think the real question is this:

How could you be someone or raise

 someone who would ever decide it was acceptable to mistreat or bully another human being?

What I have done for Christian and what I do for him, is give him a happy, high quality life where he is loved beyond a shadow of a doubt, where he has everything he could possible need and much of what he wants. I give him a life where he is doted on constantly, told how wonderful he is, and is given the opportunity to be the normal little boy he is. I give him a life where his medical issues are well managed by me so that he doesn't have to worry about them or let them interfere with his life. I give him a life where literally hundreds of thousands of people follow his progress and send encouragement and love to him from all over the world on a daily basis. There are perfectly healthy kids out there whose parents don't care if they live or die. Christian is not the one we should be taking pity on. What I do for Christian is more than what some parents do, unfortunately. Honestly, every child deserves to be loved the way Christian is loved. That's what I give him.

So, how could I?  How could I love my child so much? It's easy! Christian is easy to love. I am his mama and he is my world. That's what mama's do. They love their child beyond their looks, beyond their faults, beyond reason. How could I? It's easy because Christian is easy to love!